dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
