hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
