can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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