How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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