I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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