So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize