yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
