bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
