well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
