I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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