come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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