SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
