so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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