I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
