sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize