I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
