do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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