I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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