Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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