...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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