I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
