when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
