never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
