You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
