I am puke
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
