i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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