It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
