I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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