Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize