she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
