i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
