Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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