I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
