ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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