And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
