Me too!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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