New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
