Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
