i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
