I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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