dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
