I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
