Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
