is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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