dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
