yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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