oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
