Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
