Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
