Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
