she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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