Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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