youre lurking in front of me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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