I could make wine with my vomit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's get the cat blown out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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