dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't put those talents on a resume
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
