I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
