Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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