Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
