My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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