somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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