also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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