she woke up with a sticky ear
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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