Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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