She's JV to your varsity
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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