went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
