Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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