I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
