Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
