He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
