Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize