Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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