OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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