New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Farmville is her only friend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
