I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In America we eat man semen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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