The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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