just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize