Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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