apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
