I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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