I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
handjob tips. give me some.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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