So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
