sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
