Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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