Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
