I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
