My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is my gift to your gina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
