I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
